Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
