i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
