And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
