My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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