her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
