I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
