Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love having hate sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
