We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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