the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
