i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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