my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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