Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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