I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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