what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
