yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
