why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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