the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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