The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize