I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
