I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
