ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
