Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
