WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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