don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
