did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
