I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
