Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
