throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
