I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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