Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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