I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
