I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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