My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
