It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
