woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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