Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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