i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
