so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize