I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
