i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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