Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
