Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
