I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
