Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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