Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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