So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
