My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
