Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
