I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
