I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
