Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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