dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
