I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this beer tastes like vomit already
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
