dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
