when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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