I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
