Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
