he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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