i jhust puked up my retainher.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize