I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
