Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
