I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
