I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
