He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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