Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
