i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
