If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
