Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
