they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
