Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
