When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
