just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize