Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
