I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
