Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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